Rocky Mountain Straight Talk

Dear Israeli Citizens:

We have a deal to offer that we trust you will find attractive. We propose a straight-across swap, your Prime Minister for our President.

We would venture a guess that our President is in better physical condition than your Prime Minister. Not only is he younger, he is almost unused, while your Prime Minister has been through hell on earth. Nonetheless, though your man is considerably older and has had very rough use, we are willing to accept him in what we are sure you will consider a very fair swap.

We are sure our man would please your citizens. He is charming, and, if he has a Teleprompter, is absolutely unexcelled in public communication.

Now, if you have reservations considering the comparative value of these two leaders, we are prepared to sweeten the deal by offering you 34 Czars. We cannot guarantee their honesty and/or integrity, but we are confident you will find some use for them (we have none).

If you are not ready to jump at this fantastic offer (and we are confident you are champing at the bit at the very thought), we could throw about 100 or so Senators into the deal. Actually, we have a goodly number of House members we could spare (possibly as many as 435) if you are still hesitant.

All in all, Gentlemen and Ladies of Israel, we are prepared to begin negotiations at your earliest convenience.

We anxiously await your response.

Most cordially, responsible citizens of the United States

Muriel Sluyter

To the Editor
Cortez Journal Newspaper

The charge that Republicans want to see Obama and our country fail is a red herring designed to distract the citizenry from his administration’s unconscionably irresponsible handling of the economy.

Obama decried the proliferation of earmarks and the deficit spending of the Bush administration. Now that he is doing precisely the same thing, only on a vastly greater scale, he wants to keep Americans distracted, hence this flap over Rush Limbaugh.

Anyone who heard Limbaugh’s statement (and it has been played repeatedly all over the country) knows he said, specifically, that he wanted Obama to fail to establish socialism in this country.

Since approximately half our citizens agree that European-style socialism would be detrimental to our national welfare, it is the height of foolishness to pretend they are traitors. This is especially so since Obama’s margin of support among the citizenry is not only narrow, but tenuous.

Voters who can count and have any understanding of compound interest know not even our grandchildren will be able to repay this vote-buying, supporter-rewarding, citizen-controlling spending gusher. Additionally, he is compounding the approaching disaster by raising taxes on America’s hardest-workers, in order to "spread the wealth around."

He is avoiding any mention of the national bankruptcy waiting in the wings if China, Japan and Arab countries stop buying our paper, and the danger of that is real.

Those of us who were furious about Bush’s bailouts and deficit spending are aghast at Obama’s doing precisely the same thing, only worse. Additionally, most Americans are too smart to fall for his attempt to draw attention from his actions by generating this preposterous Limbaugh fabrication.

Do Republicans want Obama to fail? If his intention is to turn us into a European-style socialist nanny state, for my part, the answer is a resounding "Yes!"

Muriel Sluyter