Rocky Mountain Straight Talk

Dear Israeli Citizens:

We have a deal to offer that we trust you will find attractive. We propose a straight-across swap, your Prime Minister for our President.

We would venture a guess that our President is in better physical condition than your Prime Minister. Not only is he younger, he is almost unused, while your Prime Minister has been through hell on earth. Nonetheless, though your man is considerably older and has had very rough use, we are willing to accept him in what we are sure you will consider a very fair swap.

We are sure our man would please your citizens. He is charming, and, if he has a Teleprompter, is absolutely unexcelled in public communication.

Now, if you have reservations considering the comparative value of these two leaders, we are prepared to sweeten the deal by offering you 34 Czars. We cannot guarantee their honesty and/or integrity, but we are confident you will find some use for them (we have none).

If you are not ready to jump at this fantastic offer (and we are confident you are champing at the bit at the very thought), we could throw about 100 or so Senators into the deal. Actually, we have a goodly number of House members we could spare (possibly as many as 435) if you are still hesitant.

All in all, Gentlemen and Ladies of Israel, we are prepared to begin negotiations at your earliest convenience.

We anxiously await your response.

Most cordially, responsible citizens of the United States

Muriel Sluyter

Gentle Reader,

As I unwound my buck for the umpteenth time, I told him he should be required to get a license to be this stupid! That’s when it dawned on me that our Representatives and Senators need to be given precisely the same message. They should have to buy a license permitting them to be this stupid! That way we voters could rescind their license when they act like arrogant idiots–as they will–automatically kicking them out of Congress!

Udall says they will be able to pass national healthcare without votes from the other side of the aisle. Even though they are being vociferously upbraided by those very voters who put them into office, he and many other Reps are determined to defy constituents’ wishes.

At present 57% of Americans think all Reps and Senators should be voted out of office, but politicians aren’t worried. Why? Because they think we won’t act on our convictions. So, I have a plan: Let’s send everyone of them a letter informing them that, due to their regularly exhibited lack of the most minimal intelligence and integrity, they will, as of this date, be required to purchase a license permitting them to behave like both village idiots and members of a criminal enterprise.

Then in November, 2010, we kick them out on their crooked rears! Two years later, we do it again! Then we do it one more time!

They will hate it, but we will love it! Why? Because by mid-November, 2014, we will have one humble bunch of Reps and Senators. We will have kicked out everyone who has treated us with contempt, everyone who has voted for bills they knew we voters neither wanted nor could afford.

Do I owe my buck a consulting fee? Nah. I’ll just call Senator. He’s almost as dumb as they are. Not quite, but almost!

Muriel Sluyter